by Katie Wu

It is now week 8
Thanksgiving is coming soon
But not soon enough

There was chocolate
It waited upon my desk
But now it is gone

If I were turkey
I would be afraid or sad
Please don’t eat my friends

But I am human
No one will eat me today
But a cannibal

On Halloween night
I dressed up as a hipster
Ironically

When I don’t sleep much
What I do gets kind of lame
Maybe I’m just lame

I want a ferret
I think it’s ‘cause I’m lonely
Week eight means no friends

Do I have real friends?
At least no one will kill me
But that cannibal

Next week is eating
If I gain forty-five pounds
I can hibernate

Who am I kidding
I can fucking hibernate
Right fucking now (fuck)

That was not haiku
Who cares about syllables
Or grammar. Derp derp.

Derp derp derp derp derp
Derp derp derp derp derp derp derp
Derp derp derp derp derp

Did I mention that
If I dropped out of Stanford
I would become a baker

But that wouldn’t work
I’d eat all the chocolate
And your mother’s too

Chocolate turkey?
Gross, that’s the sleep debt talking
But, wait, actually…

Procrastination
Unrealistically
Congratulations

I have reached the end
Of my ability to write
Haikus that make sense

Lasciviously
We will consume a turkey
Ew, but cool word, bro